The Uncomfortable Conversation

by: B.J.

Posted: April 27, 2006

I’m getting sick and tired of black people claiming to be so damn interested in producing solutions to the problems that plague urban black culture when the TRUTH of the matter is that these people are no more interested in solving problems than I am in speaking at The 2008 Democratic Convention.  These people do “attempt” (but fail miserably, however) to “talk a good talk”, but if we were to take the time to actually listen and OBSERVE what these people are actually saying, then we would quickly realize that these over-credentialed, self-appointed “experts” are saying absolutely NOTHING.  From this waste of a high-word count article written by Orlando Patterson, “A Poverty of the Mind”, to these covenants and State of Black America reports, to useless marches, boycotts, and community meetings, black Americans are getting NO closer to actually SOLVING or ADDRESSING problems that plague urban black culture.  Actually, we will not even begin to solve problems that plague urban black culture until we become COMMITTED to telling the TRUTH to the people, and until we become willing to have the uncomfortable conversation. 

Blacks love to “talk” about problems, but they are unwilling to discuss issues that may lead to discomfort among fellow blacks—despite the obvious fact that uncomfortable discussion is EXACTLY what needs to take place within this community.  The LAST thing we need is a lot of hot air, and urban blacks do not need to hear a load of over-credentialed, so-called “experts” constantly talking “over their heads” in reference to issues that only require BASIC communication in order to effect change within urban black culture.  This is what my show is all about—SIMPLE, basic communication—intelligent, but rooted around COMMON SENSE discussion.  My commentary is immensely uncomfortable, especially for the “fight to power” blacks that only have interest in attributing all adverse situations that happen to black Americans to either racism or “The (white) Man” in general.  It’s time out for all of that B.S.  It is this very doctrine that prevents urban blacks from doing the necessary things in order to succeed in this country—educate themselves, develop a LEGAL marketable job skill, and make intelligent financial decisions. 

Out of those three basic examples, the last one might be the toughest to understand.  The truth of the matter is that no matter how much finances one has to work with, they can still make intelligent financial decisions.  For example, if a person has limited income, the LAST thing he or she should be doing are things (i.e. SEX) that could possibly result in producing a child (i.e., ANOTHER “mouth to feed”, thus ANOTHER responsibility.)  I speak to this issue in greater detail later.  Furthermore, “keeping up with the Joneses” should not be an option, either.  BASIC education is free (although unfortunately taxpayer funded), and libraries are free (via taxpayer funds).  Therefore when equipped with basic education, as well as the ability to read, one could easily learn how to develop a marketable job skill from there.  None of these things require Presidential monitoring or observation.  None of these suggestions require another program, covenant, boycott or march.  It does require PERSONAL responsibility, as well as a PERSONAL desire to do something constructive with your life.  Many of us are already doing this, however sadly too many of us are not.  They are sitting at home, waiting on someone ELSE to plan, prepare, and PAY for their next method of action.  This behavior must stop.  It is this very behavior that leads to laziness, procrastination, and the inability to lead children to be productive citizens.  This is the cycle that must be broken in order to curb the societal ills that plague the black community today.  We do not need another movement.  We do not need another million anything march, and we definitely do not need another PROGRAM.  What we do need is to stop worshipping and defending LOSER behavior, and insulting CONSTRUCTIVE behavior among blacks.  We need to REWARD achievement instead of punishing it.  We also need to QUESTION negative behavior instead of ignoring it.  We also need to stop wasting conversation on comparing the societal ills to whites because it does NOTHING to reduce or address the societal ills of urban black culture.  

We must demand the ending of the suppression of intelligent communication amongst blacks about the concerns about the black community.  It’s too easy to hear ignorant and downright stupid comments, negative depictions, and irrelevant discussions concerning the black community, and these displays do nothing but make matters worse.  It is the divisive strategy that ensures the continuation of the strained relationship between blacks and whites in this country.  For example, a big deal is being made about Tavis Smiley’s “The Covenant” hitting the New York Times Bestseller list, however, the issues and solutions I’m bringing up on this blog are NON-EXISTENT in this book DESPITE THE FACT that the issues I raise here are the very issues that SHOULD been found on within the pages of that silly “covenant”.  The truth of the matter is that these so-called “champions” of the African-American cause really face a major dilemma—whether to go all out and tell the truth—thus making “the (Civil Rights) establishment” mad and uncomfortable, or to continue to waste time and trees by addressing absolutely NOTHING, which also results in NOTHING getting done in the black community.  Thank goodness that I’m interested in RESULTS, however, and that’s why I’m willing to have the uncomfortable conversation.

My biggest fear is that I don't believe that we have enough MEN within our race left to combat this chronic epidemic within urban black culture.  There are FAR too many of us who would rather "sit on the back seat" and let someone ELSE drive the car, when we OURSELVES should be driving the car.  Every time I hear the outcries for "leadership", I cringe--not in fear, but in downright ANGER and RAGE.  Why?  Because I can't think of anything more disgusting then a GROWN male (that is nowhere near the characteristic of a REAL man) asking for leadership from someone ELSE.  What kind of message are we teaching to our boys with this crap?  That they should look to someone else to "guide" them as well when they grow up, since it is "apparent" that they have NO control of the outcome of their lives, because someone ELSE has been anointed with that responsibility?  What a load of ABSOLUTE B.S.!  There's NOTHING further from the truth!

What's even more hysterical is that these so-called "experts" also love to point out the disparities, gaps, and inequities that black Americans experience, however, they seem to "conveniently" leave out the TRUTHFUL source of all these alleged problems.  Now, let's consider that ALL those "issues" were attributed to racism, or race-favoring policies:

Okay, IF there is a disparity between blacks and whites concerning joblessness, then the LAST thing blacks should do is DROP OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL, right? 

If there is such a disparity between blacks and whites when it comes to home ownership, then the LAST thing blacks should be doing is conceiving children (primarily out of wedlock) BEFORE they are financially able to do so, right?

If there is such a disparity between blacks and whites when it comes to the percentage of people in jail, then the LAST thing blacks should be doing is COMMITTING CRIMES, or assimilating around people who commit crimes, right?

If there is such a disparity between blacks and whites when it comes to the poor quality or "lack of access to health care", then the LAST thing blacks should be doing is engaging in risky sexual behaviors, and poor diet habits, right?

I guess my questions are dumb ones.  Of course I should know that the MOST IMPORTANT thing that black Americans should do is be the MOST POPULAR person within their peers.  Never mind that this mindset have ENDED after leaving high school, but it does NOT for black Americans.  They have this mentality for LIFE.  They have to be "cool" at ALL costs.  They have to be "hip" at ALL costs.  They have to "keep it real" at ALL costs, and when these poor decisions RESULT in adverse situations, they can just depend on some OVER-credentialed, "dumb as a stump" moron to come up with some asinine and totally IRRELEVANT "report" that falsely indicates that it weren't for RACISM, then everything would be absolutely perfect within the confines of the black community.

I sure hope that eventually we will stop believing this garbage.  The truth of the matter is that as long as the LOSERS of the community are appointed to LEAD the masses of black people in this country, then we will ALWAYS suffer from these "problems" these so-called "experts" continue to bitch about, albeit with NO realistic solution in sight.  From CHILDHOOD to adulthood and beyond, we have taken directions from LOSERS (as even Orlando Patterson "attempted" to address with the "cool pose" crap that he wrote about, however, he KNEW that he couldn't go too deep without destroying the TRUE agenda items he was trying to push overall).  They (the losers) are the ones who tell "us" (black folks) how to THINK, how to SPEND, how to ACT, how to SPEAK on certain items of the day, and what we should listen to or watch on television.  This is the travesty that it seems like NO ONE wants to talk about, unless they find a way to blame white folks for it. 

For those that are TRULY interested in the TRUE source of the previously mentioned disparities, the answer is simple:

BLACK WOMEN (in general--not all)!

I know I will be crucified for even daring to present the "African Queen" in a negative light, but what I’m about to say is the absolute truth.  The mere fact that black women continue to REWARD loser men with their bodies FAR BEFORE THEY DESERVE THEM only ensures that the man will continue engaging in loser behavior.  For example, black men that are constantly in-and-out of jail eventually run to some willing woman's arms; ready to take him "back" until he ends back in jail again, only to get out again and go BACK to her yet again.

Solution:  These women MUST institute a policy that the MOMENT her "man" gets in trouble with the law (minus traffic b.s., of course) then the "relationship" ends THERE.  There's NO turning back, unless he's found to be innocent.  However if he's a KNOWN criminal, then there should be NO girlfriend (hence no sex) to reward such behavior.

Black women need to institute demands for MARRIAGE (or at least a desire to marry) BEFORE they surrender their bodies to these men.  Having standards for the men that they choose to date wouldn’t hurt, either.  Of course, the instant defense is "it takes TWO to tango", however, considering that TODAY'S women are FAR more seductive, and downright "hot in the draws", they need to lead this effort in reverse.  Their WHORISH ways are producing children who are either aborted, or ignored throughout their childhood, which is usually due to the child being brought up MINUS the family structure that's essential to ensure the best chance that the child becomes a productive adult citizen. 

Solution:  If little black girls go BACK to the times where they actually WAITED until the BOYS developed interest in them (for the LONG term), instead of SEDUCING the boys while they are too busy being BOYS, then there would be far less teenage pregnancies, broken hearts, and sexually transmitted diseases amongst children.  This would also result in putting more of our young adults in marriage “mode" (LIFELONG commitment and family creation), instead of sex "mode". 

Black boys are going through hell right now because they are no longer allowed to be BOYS.  We have “hot in the tail” fast-ass girls to thank for this.  They “pick up” their whorishness from their “whore in chief”—their Mama’.  Not only did “Mama’s whorishness result in the creation of the future whorish daughter to begin with, it ensures that the cycle of whorishness will continue, as they spread their “values” among other things, to the BOYS, that otherwise would be too busy (being boys) to be concerned about sexual relations at such EARLY ages.  Unfortunately, however, boys are pressured into performing “manly duties” far before they are mature enough grasp the overall effects of engaging in such behavior.  Therefore boys are EXPECTED TO be MEN right from the start—which is BACKWARDS, and since we have boys acting like men by having sex and making children, and this behavior has resulted in GROWN men acting like boys today—laying up on women with NO desire to work, and expecting ANOTHER man to provide them with leadership and direction.  That is disgusting.

Solution:  If black women, i.e. “African Queens” (let themselves tell it) STOP THEIR WHORISH BEHAVIOR in front of the children, then this behavior would slow.  These fast-ass girls are only emulating the behavior they see from their mothers—a revolving door of LOSER men in and out of her bedroom, known to her as either “D”, “B”, “Tae’ Tae’”, or “Black”, that usually only spends just enough time there to grab the malt liquor beverage of choice out of the refrigerator, and take a couple of cigarettes out of her purse.  More than likely the child will either never see him again, or will eventually lose track of the tremendous number of “boos” that “Mama brings home from the club”.  Regardless of what kind of person the ADULT is, there’s NO excuse for displaying that image for the child to observe.  Keep your sexual promiscuity to YOURSELF—at least until the child becomes an adult—and the cycle will be broken.

Again, this uncomfortable conversation is the very conversation that the "experts" just aren't willing to have with the people they claim to “care SO much about.”   However, it didn't take me 10-15 DEGREES to come up with these theories, either.  All it took was LOGICAL, and TRUTHFUL observation, as well as the courage and the passion to tell the TRUTH to the people—regardless if the commentary is comfortable or not.

PRINTER friendly